Never Shall It Die

Yes, I stole the title from Pirates of the Carribean.
No, it pertains nothing to pirates. Today, I have discovered my stash swallowing solid objects. Pattern books and crochet hooks, nothing stays around long when placed near my ever-growing stash.
I am experiencing knitter's block. I have gone through countless books and websites and I have come up with nothing new. Grr. I think I will pull out my old blouse from last year. That's the only that sounds fun at this point.
I want to make something for Chris, but I don't know what. I never see him wear slippers or scarves or hats. I don't really know what I want to make yet. I really would love to make him a sweater, but I don't have the patience or the attention span. Nor am I totally sure I'm ready to make that kind of commitment on either my time, money, or relationship. I do not know.
I am going to go work on my blouse. I've come to loathe it over the past few months. Maybe I'll just give it to Ande.
Confound these damn nails.

A New Life

I'm trading in my old life for a new one. My old one is just plain boring.
My job is boring. And wrong. I hate the fact that I am stuck in girls 1 all the time even though I was hired to work in the stock room and doing updates. I have done neither. Not true, I picked up an update shift that wasn't mine, and I took an update shift from Alycia last week. So, basically, I haven't done a damn thing I was hired to do. I mindlessly fold clothes and tell people to try our new fragrence "SoCal" (which doesn't smell nearly as good as Ryder.)
School is boring. We are almost at finals week. Which means we don't do a damn thing at school. So, school is boring.
I am tired of this life. I'm trading it in for a new one.
But, with good news: I have my yarn back from my old apartment! The day is saved. And the sequins will be useful again.

Oh, the Comfort of Reese's Cups

I'm sure that at this point in my life, there is only one thing that will make me feel better.
Reese's Cups.
There is so much I need to do with my life right now. I am finding it hard to do any of it.
I need a hug. There are very few people who I want hugs from. None of them are available at this point. This blows so much ass. I am miserable. I really don't know how much more of this I can take before I do something really drastic. Like burning my damn teddy bear.
I want to make mittens.
I want someone to hold me. I want someone to cuddle with me. I want someone to come fix all my problems. Maybe I'll just drive home and hope for a roommate to call me.
I hate being a grown up.

Remember the Good Old Days?

You know. The "good old days" when your sister wanted to spend time with you instead of her stupid boyfriend. The days when hospitalization actually scared some people? The days when kittens were cute and cuddly instead of deadly? Those days, my friend, are over.
I'm home finally, away from the city and excited to relax. Only relaxing is about the farthest thing from my mind. There's so much going on right now and I'm caught in the middle with no way out. Things have been worse, mind you. I just can't remember when everything going wrong all had to do with me.
Before I go on, let me explain that last comment. I am not suicidal. I am not depressed. Hell, I'm not even that unhappy. I'm just stressed out. I am not the CAUSE of everything going wrong. Everything wrong just happens to be connected to me. Like the fact that I was in the hospital and now my mom is swamped with bills that we really can't pay. Like the fact that there are holds on my grades because we haven't been able to pay off the remainder of my tuition from first term. Like the fact that I need a freaking apartment now and I can't get ahold of the guy who I'm supposed to room with. There's just an awful lot that sucks right now and I'm trying to get a grip, but it's hard. A lot harder than I expected.
Wouldn't it be great if this site was up in 30 years? That way I could show my kids (if I have any) how much I went through. They wouldn't feel so out of touch with me.
I'm tired of being sick. I am tired of being confused. I am tired of being broke. And I'm tired of the stupid obsessive shopping thing I do. I tried being nice to Sister and offered a knit-along. We are going to make snowmen. I am-was-really excited. But now she's all mad at me for trying to spend time with her. I was just trying to be nice. I miss my family. I don't know how to show it any other way.
Maybe I'll call Magistra. Or maybe someone else. So many people I miss, and so much time...But none of them want to spend time with me. Maybe I should just go get coffee and write my speech. Maybe I'll do that...I don't know. Maybe I'll knit some damn mittens. That sounds good too.

Boys

Boys are trouble. Especially the ones you fall for.
Am I really falling for him, though? I know that I want a physical relationship. But I think that I want more. I don't think I want a real emotional relationship. I want someone to sleep next to. I don't know what the hell I want at this point.
I probably should figure this out soon. Before I get caught with my heart on my sleeve. Or better yet, before his girlfriend finds out.

PMS

Yes, I have PMS. No, I do not want to watch your kid tomorrow.
I have to move out soon. This is my second week of raging hormones in the past month and I really can't stand watching a one-year old and dealing with two goddamn cats who are on the rag too. I need to move. For the love of God, I need to move.
I also need money. Basically, I'm realizing that my first two months in college could be my last because I'm ready to fall off the planet right now. I really just want to give up and move back in with my mother and be a hermit for the rest of my life. This all brings back so many memories from my junior year. I remember my boyfriend getting kicked out of school because he was failing all of his classes. I'm ready to be kicked out for possibly nailing someone on campus with my shoes and then running over the campus ministry kids with a golf cart. Yeah, that's how bad of a mood I'm in.
I don't feel like talking about knitting today. Normally, knitting makes me feel better, but today, all I want is chocolate, midol and to punch someone in the big fat face.

Knitting Keeps Me Warm in Oh So Many Ways

I am freezing. I'm pretty sure that the thermostat is set at 12 degrees. So, not only am I sitting in my room wearing my favorite knit hat, I am also wearing my super cute scarf I crocheted last year. I'm also working on my madre's ribbon scarf. So, my hands stay warm because I wrap them loosely in my scarf and viola! I am warm again.
I also am all cozy inside because my friend absolutely flipped over the very same ribbon scarf as I sat down to work on it today. That makes me all bubbly inside because I love this scarf and I want my mom to like it as much as she loved her birthday present (a kick ass pair of shoes. My mom's a sucker for cute shoes!)
I really feel like working on this scarf now. I should be partying downstairs like my friend and the two really popular girls. I should be down there, getting drunk with everyone else because I now attend "Hollister High". But I'm not. Maybe I'll call someone else. Hell, it's not like I have anything to do tomorrow...

I Am the Freaking Embassy

Honestly, anyone who hasn't read Stephanie McPhee Casts Off really should be kicked out of the land of knitting. Reading it inspires me to knit, as does my recent blogging activity.
I am now officially broke and considering selling the little girl I babysit on the black market for profit. Any takers? She's cute and doesn't cry a lot, unless you yell at her because she's in trouble. The other idea I had was to have a yarn sale. I thought about putting flyers up on campus advertising different kinds of yarn I have sitting around that I'll probably never use. But I'm not entirely sure I could part with it. I have pack-rat-itis and I'm sure I could never willingly give away any of the crap I never use.
When I began this blog, I felt like I had more to say. I guess I don't. All I really wanted was an outlet to complain about my current financial status. Although there is a light on the horizon. I had orientation yesterday for a new job and I will find out tomorrow or Wednesday if I got the other job. I now have a source of income in the mornings instead of just sitting around being bored.
Before you even think it: Yes, I knit in the mornings. I get quite a lot caught up in the mornings, but I have to face facts at some point. Knitting is not income. Actually, knitting has the exact opposite effect on income. For me, knitting laughs in the face of that next pay check. Knitting is a great black hole into which my paychecks get sucked. So, before you get on my case for not knitting in the mornings to combat boredom, keep in mind: I am a starving college kid. I need money. I also am badly in need of a new apartment. But more on that later. I feel like working on some scarves.

Dropping Stitches and Picking Up Tabs

I'm freaking broke.
I'm pretty sure it's my yarn's fault, too. I hate to admit it, but maybe the knitting everything for Christmas idea wasn't such a great one. I know that I'm just feeling depressed now, and tomorrow will be better, but for now, I wish I didn't have so much yarn.
Gasp!
Lighten up all you bloggers out there! Like I said, I swear this is only a phase. While I'm at work tonight I plan on taking this beautiful pink ribbon yarn and working on an ultra soft and stylish drop stitch scarf for my mother's Christmas present. The love I have hidden for knitting will come out when a random customer happens to see me knitting and plucks up the courage to ask me what I'm making (or even looking at me in an awkward maner. Anything is good enough to get me going!).
I have a new job at the mall and I have orientation in a half hour. I should be leaving, but I decided I needed a new blog to pass on my woes. I feel better already.

I Crochet Through the Wrong Loops on Purpose

I said it. I do it on purpose. I hate fishing around on the starter chain forever, so I go through the easy loops to go faster. So sue me.
For any knitter/crocheter, the Christmas season is now at hand. It's only October, but you know that making scarves, hats and mittens for everyone you know is a daunting task that takes several months to complete. I now have three different Christmas projects in the making and two started that have nothing at all to do with Christmas. I just really liked that yarn that was on sale and I couldn't sit and stare at my stash without feeling guilty.
Every year I deal with the same issue of what to make everyone. Am I one among a million knitters who hates searching for patterns? I like to make them up as I go. And I've fallen in love with the concept of rag knitting. I believe there will be multiple gifts this year made out of fabric cut into strips.
Damn yarn stores for their sales. And damn craft stores with classes offering ugly projects for beginning knitters. The only solution to this problem is to open my own knitting store where no one will ever walk out with yarn they hate simply because it's fifty percent off. Wait a second. Who the hell do I think I'm kidding? We are knitters. That day when we can resist an impulse sale purchase is far off.
I really should be working on this scarf. I believe it has great potential. I haven't done a zig zag pattern in ages, so the end result is sure to be something for further observation. I never said it will be pretty, but it will be interesting.

Because I'm 19 With Life to Go

Happy birthday to me. Yesterday, that is.
I've made the jump into "official college student" status. Eighteen is such a high school year, with senior prom and graduation. Nineteen makes one officially in college. But trust me, it's not nearly as exciting as it seems. Although, I believe I made out like a bandit in the gift area. I got a few new sweaters (from Goodwill's half-price day sale), a new pair of jeans (50% off at J.C. Penny's), and a secondhand violin. I really am happy about the violin. Secondhand string instruments have life and soul, something a non-musician will ever understand. It is in need of new strings and a new bridge and a new bow, but hey, it's mine, and I will love it forever...Or until I have a musically inclined grandchild of my own. Then they can love it the way I will love my grandfather's.
Other than some super on-sale clothes and a beautiful new part of my soul, I recieved every college student's dream. Money. What did I spend that money on? My car. My car needed a new power steering fluid cap and oil, so that's what it got. What my car really needs is to be not the same car anymore. That would help much more.
In knitting world, I haven't been working on anything except a book. Stephanie Pearl-McFee Casts Off. It's not a knitting pattern book at all, but rather a guide through the world of knitting. And it's hilarious. I would like to start making a sweater for the one year old I babysit for. I think it would be a good Christmas present. I also need to start my scarves I make for presents. Although this year I'm considering making hats or mittens rather than scarves. But scarves are generally fairly cheap, quick and easy. Then again, so are hats. I don't know yet. Maybe that's what I'll do with my free time tonight.
Why, yes I will. I feel inspired already.

The Un-Itchable Scratch

I'm pulling my hair out again.
I have plaque psoriasis on my scalp, and for some unknown reason, it has decided to act up again. So, I continue to pull my hair out to stop the itch. It doesn't help at all, but I feel better anyways.
I have also become addicted to memoirs. I just finished reading Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. It was amazing. I wish my life could have something interesting enough to write a memoirs about. I think they are fascinating.
Unfortunately, all I have to write about is the fact that I knit. I knit all the time. And I enjoy it. It keeps me occupied. In a way, I guess it helps my psoriasis because while both my hands are busy with needles and yarn, I have no means to pull my hair out. Also while I knit, I don't really have time to think. All I usually do while knitting is count or repeat knit, purl, knit, purl. It's kind of nice to be blank for a little bit.
I finished the blue hat. Sort of. I'm supposed to put plastic canvas in the brim to make it stiffer, but I don't feel like driving all the way out to Hobby Lobby. He wants to be washable, but I don't make washable garments. Why? Because I hate doing laundry, so I make things that don't get dirty, so they don't get washed. And also because I heart wool. The blue hat it made of mohair and wool, so if it gets washed, he can cut holes in it for his dog to wear. That's not my problem. He pays, I make, he ruins, I don't care.
I need to use all the yarn I already have before I go out and buy new. But that's the true fun of knitting/crocheting. Blowing $50 at Hobby Lobby by picking up sale yarn, saying, "I can use this!" and then throwing it in your stash and never looking at it again. I need to finish everything up. I am making an airy scarf out of the gray mohair left over from the hat. It reminds me of bread dough. More on that later though (closer to the scarf's completion...Which may never come, knowing me).
To sum up Saturday; memoirs, blue hats, party remnants, Dante's Inferno. Not too bad, if I do say so myself.

Party With the Hardcore Knitter

Yes, I describe myself as a hardcore knitter. I don't knit doillies, I don't shop at Wal-mart for yarn, and my projects are designed for college students, so they have to be trendy. Last night, I went to a party.
And I became the "cool girl who knits".
I take this as a compliment. I had never met most of the people at the party, so I feel honored that they dub me "cool" because I knit. Showing them pictures on my phone of recent projects I had completed (aka, my awesome hat), they became even more interested in the college girl who knits. I'm flattered.
Although, at the same time, I am terribly disappointed. Being in college means I am broke. I have less than $30 in my checking account. I bought a new crochet book the other day that left me $12 out. I had to fork over $50 for rent I haven't started paying on yet, and this is where poeple should stop reading; I shelled out $41 for two shirts from Hollister so that I would "fit in" at the party last night. (The girl I went with worked at Hollister, and as I later found out, so did quite literally everyone else at the party.)
Shame on me, I am broke and now have no money until Monday, when I get paid. My new ambition is to go into Hollister today and fill out an application for work. Having two jobs is bound to better for my income than one. One to pay rent with, one to pay tuition with.
Yup, tution. That's what it will go towards...

College Girls Kints the Blues

Ah, college. Who doesn't remember the late schedules, the scraping by with little else or nothing to eat but letfover pizza, and of course, the putting off of homework to work on knitting projects that you will almost assuredly not finish.
Such is my case.
I am the classic college girl knitter. At Freshman Fest (the annual welcome day for new freshman, i.e. me) I jumped at the chance to join "the Stitchery", the campus knitting circle. I called my mom ready to jump out of my skin because the knitting table was next to the marketing major (my major of choice since sophomore year of high school).
I have yet to go to a meeting.
Still, I have found time to knit on my own between staying up texting until 3 a.m., sleeping until noon, going to class and working. I am fairly proud of my recent knitting adventures.
I made a hat.
Not just any hat, but the most amazing hat in the entire world. You know which hat I mean. The hat you knit that you start over six times because you NEED it to be perfect from cast on to bind off. That hat you finally finish after eight straight hours of knitting because godforbid you go to sleep without trying it on first (at 2 in the morning). That perfect hat that turns out exactly how you envisioned it, even if you made the pattern up as you went.
And now all my new college buddies want one. Not just the girls, either. I am currently working on Awesome Hat version 2.0 for my table buddy in political science. I will post pictures when it is finished. First my hat (which no one but me shall ever have a copy of) and then his once I get it done.
Which could possibly be tonight. I am on a roll. Meh, who cares if I have a paper due at noon tomorrow? There will always be time in the morning...