Breakdown #2--New Features Added!

Was it really a whole week ago when I sat on the couch at my mom's bitching about how bored I was? Little did I know that my life would almost end a few days later.
Thursday, June 12th, to be precise.
I can't take much more of this worthless feeling. I left everything good in Warsaw. I love Chris, more than I could ever explain on some stupid blog, but he can only carry me so far. As great as he makes me feel, I have never been someone who relied on others to be happy. Ever since the Jake accident, I have vowed to never let anyone else make me unhappy. Chris makes me immeasurably happy, but lately, that's all. It's Chris and nothing else.
Not even knitting.
Not even working.
Part of the reason work isn't making me happy anymore is because I haven't been working. During my breakdown, I talked to Dan about getting back to work for him. He said maybe he'd try. I don't really know what else to do. I'm looking for jobs elsewhere. I talked to Lauren about being scheduled more often. I had dreams that I walked into Ritter's today (I have to work in about 44 minutes) and I wasn't on the schedule anymore because they were tired of me doing things the "wrong" way. I know I'm doing them right. I don't get why I'm the enemy here! It's breaking my heart, and I really don't know what to do.
Chris really is trying. But it's not working. How is he supposed to make me happy when I can't even make myself happy?
I don't know the answers to any of these questions and I've started second guessing myself on every decision I make. I've never been indecisive. Ever. Why now? Am I really just not cut out for college life?
I'm still only a kid...

Frustrated

I had my break down today. Complete break down. I'm so lucky I have Chris. If it weren't for him, I probably would have quit immediately. I hate knitting. I hate work. I am frustrated. Hopefully sleep will help.
Oh yeah. And apple pucker makes me kinda wanna throw up. Well, at least after sex...