Remember the Good Old Days?

You know. The "good old days" when your sister wanted to spend time with you instead of her stupid boyfriend. The days when hospitalization actually scared some people? The days when kittens were cute and cuddly instead of deadly? Those days, my friend, are over.
I'm home finally, away from the city and excited to relax. Only relaxing is about the farthest thing from my mind. There's so much going on right now and I'm caught in the middle with no way out. Things have been worse, mind you. I just can't remember when everything going wrong all had to do with me.
Before I go on, let me explain that last comment. I am not suicidal. I am not depressed. Hell, I'm not even that unhappy. I'm just stressed out. I am not the CAUSE of everything going wrong. Everything wrong just happens to be connected to me. Like the fact that I was in the hospital and now my mom is swamped with bills that we really can't pay. Like the fact that there are holds on my grades because we haven't been able to pay off the remainder of my tuition from first term. Like the fact that I need a freaking apartment now and I can't get ahold of the guy who I'm supposed to room with. There's just an awful lot that sucks right now and I'm trying to get a grip, but it's hard. A lot harder than I expected.
Wouldn't it be great if this site was up in 30 years? That way I could show my kids (if I have any) how much I went through. They wouldn't feel so out of touch with me.
I'm tired of being sick. I am tired of being confused. I am tired of being broke. And I'm tired of the stupid obsessive shopping thing I do. I tried being nice to Sister and offered a knit-along. We are going to make snowmen. I am-was-really excited. But now she's all mad at me for trying to spend time with her. I was just trying to be nice. I miss my family. I don't know how to show it any other way.
Maybe I'll call Magistra. Or maybe someone else. So many people I miss, and so much time...But none of them want to spend time with me. Maybe I should just go get coffee and write my speech. Maybe I'll do that...I don't know. Maybe I'll knit some damn mittens. That sounds good too.

Boys

Boys are trouble. Especially the ones you fall for.
Am I really falling for him, though? I know that I want a physical relationship. But I think that I want more. I don't think I want a real emotional relationship. I want someone to sleep next to. I don't know what the hell I want at this point.
I probably should figure this out soon. Before I get caught with my heart on my sleeve. Or better yet, before his girlfriend finds out.

PMS

Yes, I have PMS. No, I do not want to watch your kid tomorrow.
I have to move out soon. This is my second week of raging hormones in the past month and I really can't stand watching a one-year old and dealing with two goddamn cats who are on the rag too. I need to move. For the love of God, I need to move.
I also need money. Basically, I'm realizing that my first two months in college could be my last because I'm ready to fall off the planet right now. I really just want to give up and move back in with my mother and be a hermit for the rest of my life. This all brings back so many memories from my junior year. I remember my boyfriend getting kicked out of school because he was failing all of his classes. I'm ready to be kicked out for possibly nailing someone on campus with my shoes and then running over the campus ministry kids with a golf cart. Yeah, that's how bad of a mood I'm in.
I don't feel like talking about knitting today. Normally, knitting makes me feel better, but today, all I want is chocolate, midol and to punch someone in the big fat face.

Knitting Keeps Me Warm in Oh So Many Ways

I am freezing. I'm pretty sure that the thermostat is set at 12 degrees. So, not only am I sitting in my room wearing my favorite knit hat, I am also wearing my super cute scarf I crocheted last year. I'm also working on my madre's ribbon scarf. So, my hands stay warm because I wrap them loosely in my scarf and viola! I am warm again.
I also am all cozy inside because my friend absolutely flipped over the very same ribbon scarf as I sat down to work on it today. That makes me all bubbly inside because I love this scarf and I want my mom to like it as much as she loved her birthday present (a kick ass pair of shoes. My mom's a sucker for cute shoes!)
I really feel like working on this scarf now. I should be partying downstairs like my friend and the two really popular girls. I should be down there, getting drunk with everyone else because I now attend "Hollister High". But I'm not. Maybe I'll call someone else. Hell, it's not like I have anything to do tomorrow...

I Am the Freaking Embassy

Honestly, anyone who hasn't read Stephanie McPhee Casts Off really should be kicked out of the land of knitting. Reading it inspires me to knit, as does my recent blogging activity.
I am now officially broke and considering selling the little girl I babysit on the black market for profit. Any takers? She's cute and doesn't cry a lot, unless you yell at her because she's in trouble. The other idea I had was to have a yarn sale. I thought about putting flyers up on campus advertising different kinds of yarn I have sitting around that I'll probably never use. But I'm not entirely sure I could part with it. I have pack-rat-itis and I'm sure I could never willingly give away any of the crap I never use.
When I began this blog, I felt like I had more to say. I guess I don't. All I really wanted was an outlet to complain about my current financial status. Although there is a light on the horizon. I had orientation yesterday for a new job and I will find out tomorrow or Wednesday if I got the other job. I now have a source of income in the mornings instead of just sitting around being bored.
Before you even think it: Yes, I knit in the mornings. I get quite a lot caught up in the mornings, but I have to face facts at some point. Knitting is not income. Actually, knitting has the exact opposite effect on income. For me, knitting laughs in the face of that next pay check. Knitting is a great black hole into which my paychecks get sucked. So, before you get on my case for not knitting in the mornings to combat boredom, keep in mind: I am a starving college kid. I need money. I also am badly in need of a new apartment. But more on that later. I feel like working on some scarves.

Dropping Stitches and Picking Up Tabs

I'm freaking broke.
I'm pretty sure it's my yarn's fault, too. I hate to admit it, but maybe the knitting everything for Christmas idea wasn't such a great one. I know that I'm just feeling depressed now, and tomorrow will be better, but for now, I wish I didn't have so much yarn.
Gasp!
Lighten up all you bloggers out there! Like I said, I swear this is only a phase. While I'm at work tonight I plan on taking this beautiful pink ribbon yarn and working on an ultra soft and stylish drop stitch scarf for my mother's Christmas present. The love I have hidden for knitting will come out when a random customer happens to see me knitting and plucks up the courage to ask me what I'm making (or even looking at me in an awkward maner. Anything is good enough to get me going!).
I have a new job at the mall and I have orientation in a half hour. I should be leaving, but I decided I needed a new blog to pass on my woes. I feel better already.

I Crochet Through the Wrong Loops on Purpose

I said it. I do it on purpose. I hate fishing around on the starter chain forever, so I go through the easy loops to go faster. So sue me.
For any knitter/crocheter, the Christmas season is now at hand. It's only October, but you know that making scarves, hats and mittens for everyone you know is a daunting task that takes several months to complete. I now have three different Christmas projects in the making and two started that have nothing at all to do with Christmas. I just really liked that yarn that was on sale and I couldn't sit and stare at my stash without feeling guilty.
Every year I deal with the same issue of what to make everyone. Am I one among a million knitters who hates searching for patterns? I like to make them up as I go. And I've fallen in love with the concept of rag knitting. I believe there will be multiple gifts this year made out of fabric cut into strips.
Damn yarn stores for their sales. And damn craft stores with classes offering ugly projects for beginning knitters. The only solution to this problem is to open my own knitting store where no one will ever walk out with yarn they hate simply because it's fifty percent off. Wait a second. Who the hell do I think I'm kidding? We are knitters. That day when we can resist an impulse sale purchase is far off.
I really should be working on this scarf. I believe it has great potential. I haven't done a zig zag pattern in ages, so the end result is sure to be something for further observation. I never said it will be pretty, but it will be interesting.