National WIP Finishing Day! (and by national-I mean just for me)

I've decided that because Chris will be at work all day, I am going to finish up some of my giant pile of WIPs. They are in danger of taking up more space than my yarn, so I'm gonna try to finish some of them. Maybe I'll keep posted here, even though I hardly ever blog. Gonna start off with Chris's Valentine's sweater. Get the collar done, then move on to my Kenobi jacket, then his hat, then my hedgehog, then maybe some socks. I figure that I don't have a car today (the battery is totally dead and not holding a charge), so I'll make my time useful here.

Unemployed, Yet Again

I can't stand being unemployed. I'm so bored! Yet I lack the will to get off my fat, lazy ass and go out there and get a job. The economy is pretty awful right now, which discourages me even more. I'm underqualified for most jobs, and the jobs that I am suited for aren't hiring because everyone is broke right now.

I'm starting to feel depressed again because of this. Ever since I met Chris I haven't been able to hold a steady job. It's just been one thing after another. How is it possible that I've made it this far on my own? I can't think of a single month where I haven't needed my mom's help for something because I just don't have the money.

I know that I'm kind of PMSy right now, but there are roots there. It's not like I'm ready to kill myself because no one likes me or anything silly like that...I'm just so frustrated with what my life has become.

I feel awful all the time now. It's everything. While Chris is at work, I want to sleep because I just get so tired. When I wake up I feel guilty. The dishes get done between once and twice a week. I feel guilty about that, but on the other hand, I feel like I shouldn't have to maintain a perfect house. Then I feel like Chris is mad because he wants me to do the dishes. Just because I'm unemployed doesn't mean I don't have things to do, meaning I don't want to sit and clean house all day every day. Also, I don't feel that I should have dinner plans ready as soon as Chris comes home. My cooking skills are incredibly limited. It's not that I can't cook at all, but there are few meals I make well. He won't eat half of them because they aren't "dinner foods." Again, just because I am unemployed does not make me a cook. I can't remember the last time Chris cooked for me.

I feel unappreciated again. And then I feel worse, because he spends money on me and I can't return the favor because I'm broke. I don't know if he expects me to cook and clean and go grocery shopping because I can't buy him anything...Or if it's just because he wants me to be the housewife.

It kills me not being able to buy groceries, but then again...Why should I always be the one to fork over money for food? Last time he bought groceries, he spent $80. We got to the checkout lane and I pulled his wallet out of my purse for him to get money. He was surprised that I expected him to pay, even though I had just given him the only $300 I had for rent. I don't know why it bothers me so much. Maybe it's because we haven't been grocery shopping in weeks and we desperately need to go, but I feel that if I bring it up to him, he's going to be offended and say "Well, you're home all day, why didn't you just go earlier?" and then be mad when I need him to pay.

I haven't been feeling sexy lately either. And it's because I worry that Chris won't love me because I always seem to be unemployed.

I need to go cry for a while. That's one thing the PMS still has over me.

The War of the Housework

I hate doing dishes.

Welcome to Flat Top, Now You Can All Go to Hell

I think Mike sucks. Everyone who knows me has listened to me bitch about how much work sucks because of Mike. Mike Mike Mike. He's a great big jerk ass and I hope he doesn't give me my job back so I can go on unemployment and be happy without Flat Top.

Anyways, back to earth...

I cut my finger pretty hardcore yesterday and my Hello Kitty band-aid is making it really hard to type. I could take it off, but then I risk opening the cut and gushing blood all over my keyboard, and that's totally NOT what my computer needs right now. I watched Sin City last night for the first time and now I feel like I need to add blood and gore to my every thought. Yuck.

Chris's surgery went well, until his contact fell out Sunday morning and he was in agonizing pain for hours and I had to sit there unable to help him. He's asleep right now, and I think his tear duct implants are bothering him. He took a pain pill this morning, which he was fine without yesterday. Pretty soon the implants will dissolve and he will feel a million times better. Until then, I just keep putting in eyedrops and wait for him to see again.

We put up the Christmas tree yesterday after a hellacious start to a miserable Monday. First, I left the Christmas tree stand in Ande's car, so we were gonna drive back to Warsaw to go get it. However, my car wouldn't start because I left the lights on all night Sunday night. His Jeep wouldn't start because it's too cold here. His mom came over and jumped me which was awfully nice of her. We got the car started and headed out to look for Christmas trees that weren't frozen to death. There were none to be found. Luckily, Chris's mom had an old fake tree that she only used once or twice and then boxed up. It's in pretty good shape. It's not real, which bothers me to no end, but at least we have a tree. Next year, Chris promises we'll have a nice big real tree. The tree already had lights on it, but since we bought color-coordinating lights, we stripped the tree and put the old lights to good use. They're strung around the ceiling in our apartment which makes for a pretty romantic evening.

The fireplace is almost finished. Chris said he wanted to finish it tonight before Christmas. If his implants are still bothering him, he won't be able to see well enough to finish it in time. We head out to my dad's early tomorrow morning. I want to leave here around 8. I don't know if I'll be able to get Chris out of bed. Lately he's been getting up early for work, so that helps.

We moved all our furniture around last night to set up for the Christmas tree. Our apartment looks bigger in my opinion. It's kinda nice.

It's been forever since I last posted, and I think it's just because I'm starting to loose intrest in anything I once did. I still love to knit and spin and everything, but it's just been shoved down my throat lately because of Christmas. Christmas knittin always makes me hate knitting for about a month. Luckily I now have Ravelry which keeps my interest peaked, however I have started spending more time in front of my computer than with my needles. I still need to finish Kacy's present. The ends haven't been sewn in and I have no straps. However, I think that it's tight enough it won't need straps, especially worn over something else. I hope it fits her alright. I made it her size, so when I try it on it just looks silly. I have muffin tops now. Isn't that exciting?

I also need to finish the hippo and Melanie's sock. I started it about an hour ago and I got a whole row and a half finished before I headed back over to my dear computer. I have till Friday to get those socks finished and wrapped. I still need to get the dishes done today, finish up wrapping gifts and straighten up my room in case Shelly and Scott come over with the girls. Yuck.

Funny how I haven't posted in forever. I come back and make my triumphant return by bitching about Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone!

The Haunting Hour

And no, I'm not talking about Halloween.

I'm freaking out about Christmas.

I have all the yarn I need. I think. I just don't think I'll ever find enough time to sit and actually get everything done. Scratch that. I don't think I have the patience to get everything done.

Another issue? I'm running out of motivation. I had most of yesterday off because I didn't feel good at all. I had all that time while Chris played his video game, yet I knit nothing. I did get my Ravenclaw sock worked on. I've only got two more rows before I start the heel chart. Somewhere I got messed up and I have one extra row, but in the grand scheme of things, I think it'll be ok. I made a note of it on the pattern so that as I work the second sock, maybe I'll see what happened. 

Oh yeah, and I tried to get the sock on last night, but I don't think it will fit. Oh well I guess. Good Christmas present for Ande. I can make some that look better. I can learn intarsia to do the eagles so they don't look all janky from the yarn-carrying. Ha. Take that little sister.

I'm starving. I had a really good day at work, but I didn't get off till 5 and now I want wings, but Chris is taking forever to get home. Meebo said he left at 6:17, but he still isn't home. Tick tock, babycakes. I'm ravenous.

The wonderful weather in Indiana is giving us nothing but rain all weekend. Cold, icky, ice cold rain. By Monday we're supposed to be getting snow. What a bunch of crap that is. It's only October and already it's starting to snow. Suck.

Chris and my anniversary is Sunday. I don't quite have his present done. I tried to finish it. I've been working on it since June. That was something I wanted to work on yesterday while I was home sick, but Chris decided that he needed to stay home and take care of me for some reason. So I didn't get any of it done. Maybe he'll do laundry tomorrow at his mom's and I can stay here and work on it...He still thinks I knit him something. :)

Gotta go get food. He's finally home! Woohoo!

Christmas Creeps Ever So Close Now...

It's been a while since my last post.  A lot has happened since then. But, I'm not really here to talk about my life outside knitting. At least, not today.

Instead, I want to make my Christmas list. Not what I want, but what I need to make for everyone else. I'm going to try and sort this list by importance.

1. Ande...Oh jeeze, what to make for the little sister. Scarf in school colors? Arm-warmers? Socks? I think I might need to revisit her after my list is done.

2. Mom...Mom loves scarves. Just which yarn to use is the question. And the fact that I HATE making scarves...

3. Chris...I put him lower on the list because I have already gotten him several things for Christmas. Chris wants me to finish his fingerless gloves, but the yarn has no give at all, and they are just no fun to make. He doesn't really wear scarves or hats. I could do another pair of socks...

4. My swap partner...Here is an issue. What the hell to make for her? I want to do an iPod sweater because she said she loves it and I just think they are so darn cute. But what else?

5. Donnie...Gotta finish the Jughead Hat!

6. Dad...Same as Donnie, only black with different colors for the points, I think.

7. Marcell...Scarf out of the Nikki I bought just for her...But I HATE scarves!

8. The Kids...Gwen, Gabe, Abby, Melanie...I already have a sweater for Gabe, and I think I can pump out a cute little pair of socks for him. Making socks for the girls shouldn't be too hard. But I'll probably need more needles to get them done in time.

9. Kacy...Grr. I hate making things for Kacy because I don't know what she'll use. I think she needs one of those catear hats. That'd be cute.

I'm so going to be late for work if I continue writing like this. I will try and revisit this list before work tomorrow. For now-Must dash!

Dealing With A Child's Death

She wasn't my little girl, but I loved her just the same.

Lillian Rose Kelly, I'm going to miss how you giggled and screamed when we played. I'm going to miss hearing you wake me up in the morning. I'm sorry I didn't share more of my string cheese with you, but I'm not sorry about giving you Mountain Dew in your sippy cup before your mom came home. I hope you liked playing dress up in my clothes. You looked so much like your dad. I know Autumn is going to miss you like crazy even if you were never a terribly big fan of hers.

Anyone who reads this should know that it wasn't Brandi's fault, even if she believes it is for the rest of her life. We loved Lilly so much. She never cried, and she was always messy.

Keep Brandi, Jeremy, and Autumn in your thoughts. I can't imagine loosing a daughter after only two years, and I can't imagine loosing my younger sister.

I'll miss you Lilly.