New Year's Resolutions

I have made my resolutions. But, it's going to take me some time to work through them. But hey, isn't that what they are supposed to do? Build character and whatnot? I think I will type them out here, that way I will remember them every time I blog.
1. Get my life in order
2. Keep myself out of debt and in class
3. Start and finish a sweater
4. Blog more often

I know they aren't terribly great resolutions. The first one is going to be my biggest challenge. I've decided to start doing certain things more often and stop doing certain things as often as I do. So, those are it.

I'm not exactly happy because I am too poor to start my sweater I so badly want to. But I am also unhappy about the fact that the hat I was looking at yesterday is now corrupted and I can't access the file. Actually, I am pissed.

I just recently realized the Professor Trelawny from the Harry Potter movies is the author from Stranger than Fiction. That makes me unbelievable happy for no real particular reason.

I need to finish Kacy's hat. I am really frustrated that I can't find my books or my scrapbooking stuff or my shoes. I really wish that Brandi and Jeremy weren't so pissed off at me. I need to move back to Fort Wayne and get everything situated. Not just so I can get my stuff back, but because I can't afford this anymore. I think I will take Alycia's mom up on the offer of letting me stay with her. Maybe if Chris and I really hit it off, we can move in together. Maybe...That's a huge maybe at this point. I can't picture us living together yet, mostly because of how things turned out with Jessy. I don't know. It would be nice, but we will see sometime.

I want to knit that damn hat and the pattern won't work. I don't know why she couldn't just type it up on her blog. Why she had to make the damn thing a seperate link is beyond me. This sucks. I will try again soon.

I'm cleaning my room tomorrow. Period. Until then, I'm going to knit and look for an apartment.

Never Shall It Die

Yes, I stole the title from Pirates of the Carribean.
No, it pertains nothing to pirates. Today, I have discovered my stash swallowing solid objects. Pattern books and crochet hooks, nothing stays around long when placed near my ever-growing stash.
I am experiencing knitter's block. I have gone through countless books and websites and I have come up with nothing new. Grr. I think I will pull out my old blouse from last year. That's the only that sounds fun at this point.
I want to make something for Chris, but I don't know what. I never see him wear slippers or scarves or hats. I don't really know what I want to make yet. I really would love to make him a sweater, but I don't have the patience or the attention span. Nor am I totally sure I'm ready to make that kind of commitment on either my time, money, or relationship. I do not know.
I am going to go work on my blouse. I've come to loathe it over the past few months. Maybe I'll just give it to Ande.
Confound these damn nails.

A New Life

I'm trading in my old life for a new one. My old one is just plain boring.
My job is boring. And wrong. I hate the fact that I am stuck in girls 1 all the time even though I was hired to work in the stock room and doing updates. I have done neither. Not true, I picked up an update shift that wasn't mine, and I took an update shift from Alycia last week. So, basically, I haven't done a damn thing I was hired to do. I mindlessly fold clothes and tell people to try our new fragrence "SoCal" (which doesn't smell nearly as good as Ryder.)
School is boring. We are almost at finals week. Which means we don't do a damn thing at school. So, school is boring.
I am tired of this life. I'm trading it in for a new one.
But, with good news: I have my yarn back from my old apartment! The day is saved. And the sequins will be useful again.

Oh, the Comfort of Reese's Cups

I'm sure that at this point in my life, there is only one thing that will make me feel better.
Reese's Cups.
There is so much I need to do with my life right now. I am finding it hard to do any of it.
I need a hug. There are very few people who I want hugs from. None of them are available at this point. This blows so much ass. I am miserable. I really don't know how much more of this I can take before I do something really drastic. Like burning my damn teddy bear.
I want to make mittens.
I want someone to hold me. I want someone to cuddle with me. I want someone to come fix all my problems. Maybe I'll just drive home and hope for a roommate to call me.
I hate being a grown up.

Remember the Good Old Days?

You know. The "good old days" when your sister wanted to spend time with you instead of her stupid boyfriend. The days when hospitalization actually scared some people? The days when kittens were cute and cuddly instead of deadly? Those days, my friend, are over.
I'm home finally, away from the city and excited to relax. Only relaxing is about the farthest thing from my mind. There's so much going on right now and I'm caught in the middle with no way out. Things have been worse, mind you. I just can't remember when everything going wrong all had to do with me.
Before I go on, let me explain that last comment. I am not suicidal. I am not depressed. Hell, I'm not even that unhappy. I'm just stressed out. I am not the CAUSE of everything going wrong. Everything wrong just happens to be connected to me. Like the fact that I was in the hospital and now my mom is swamped with bills that we really can't pay. Like the fact that there are holds on my grades because we haven't been able to pay off the remainder of my tuition from first term. Like the fact that I need a freaking apartment now and I can't get ahold of the guy who I'm supposed to room with. There's just an awful lot that sucks right now and I'm trying to get a grip, but it's hard. A lot harder than I expected.
Wouldn't it be great if this site was up in 30 years? That way I could show my kids (if I have any) how much I went through. They wouldn't feel so out of touch with me.
I'm tired of being sick. I am tired of being confused. I am tired of being broke. And I'm tired of the stupid obsessive shopping thing I do. I tried being nice to Sister and offered a knit-along. We are going to make snowmen. I am-was-really excited. But now she's all mad at me for trying to spend time with her. I was just trying to be nice. I miss my family. I don't know how to show it any other way.
Maybe I'll call Magistra. Or maybe someone else. So many people I miss, and so much time...But none of them want to spend time with me. Maybe I should just go get coffee and write my speech. Maybe I'll do that...I don't know. Maybe I'll knit some damn mittens. That sounds good too.

Boys

Boys are trouble. Especially the ones you fall for.
Am I really falling for him, though? I know that I want a physical relationship. But I think that I want more. I don't think I want a real emotional relationship. I want someone to sleep next to. I don't know what the hell I want at this point.
I probably should figure this out soon. Before I get caught with my heart on my sleeve. Or better yet, before his girlfriend finds out.

PMS

Yes, I have PMS. No, I do not want to watch your kid tomorrow.
I have to move out soon. This is my second week of raging hormones in the past month and I really can't stand watching a one-year old and dealing with two goddamn cats who are on the rag too. I need to move. For the love of God, I need to move.
I also need money. Basically, I'm realizing that my first two months in college could be my last because I'm ready to fall off the planet right now. I really just want to give up and move back in with my mother and be a hermit for the rest of my life. This all brings back so many memories from my junior year. I remember my boyfriend getting kicked out of school because he was failing all of his classes. I'm ready to be kicked out for possibly nailing someone on campus with my shoes and then running over the campus ministry kids with a golf cart. Yeah, that's how bad of a mood I'm in.
I don't feel like talking about knitting today. Normally, knitting makes me feel better, but today, all I want is chocolate, midol and to punch someone in the big fat face.