Can't Take Much More of This...

I hate being unemployed. Two months now, I've been sitting bored around the house just waiting for something to come along. Anything. Waiting for the economy to turn around. Something. I hate just sitting here watching tv or doing dishes or knitting. I know most people who work wish for nothing more than to sit around and enjoy themselves. People that work also don't have to worry about not being able to pay the bills. I barely paid rent last month and I'm not totally sure how long it's going to be before I can give Chris this month's rent. I've never not paid him, and I don't plan on this month being any different.

Then it gets interesting. We move next week. The deposit alone was $300, which means for the first month I owe Chris $5oo plus the $300 for this place. Where am I going to find $800? Even if I were to get a job today, I'd have to work 100 odd hours just to pay rent at $8 an hour. And who knows if I can even get a job making that much? I've been fired from the last 2 jobs, had an "issue" with the job before that so I quit, and then fired from the job before that! Who would want to hire me? No body is hiring and even if they were, my resume blows. I'm seriously fucked. What am I supposed to do? Even with unemployment, I'm only getting half of what I need for this month.

I could call my dad and ask him for the money, but we all know what he'd say. He'd say that he needs that money since he's paying almost $8000 in child support every year and thinks my mom is wasting it on booze or hookers or whatever. I should call him tonight. Marcell is coming up to Fort Wayne on Wednesday and I think I'd rather talk to her about it. I think if I talk to Marcell first, she can brace my dad. But then what am I supposed to do? Even if my dad gives me the $800 I owe Chris, what about next month? Next month I have another $350-$400 I need to come up with.

I'm starting to feel like giving up. I want to run away because I just don't know what to do. I'm ready to drop out of college and just go live as a bum somewhere since I can't seem to find a job no matter what. No body wants to hire a twice fired college kid.

What the hell am I going to do?